Monday, December 22, 2014

How to Become a "Cultural Property Observer"

Becoming a "Cultural property Observer" is not really all that difficult. Just follow these easy steps and you'll be well away.

1) Empty your mind of rationality and heart of fairness. You don't need them in this task.

2) Start with the word: "Archaeoblogger...." and then add a name. Any one will do, they can all be treated as enemies.

3) then select a target group, archaeologists (archaeobloggers) for example, or a person (Zahi Hawasssss) or country (select from list of states with whom the US has signed cultural property MOUs + Egypt).

4) Find some piece of scandal about one of the three (group, person or country) from the local scandal rags, the more obscure a reference the better.

5) Say something ridiculous linking points 2 to 4, bearing little real relationship to what the person allegedly quoted would recognize as what they actually said - the more bizarre the better as it attracts attention. If you can goad your victim into replying they'll supply readers with yet another link to your blog.

5) Then slip in a few gratuitous links to two of your own posts - not necessarily related to the subject of points 4 or 5.

6) Keep it short, don't be tempted to justify what you just said or develop a theme more than superficially. You are "Cultural Property Observer". Your audience needs short, simple texts of eight sentences or less. They cannot cope with more. 

7) Post it and sit back and wait for the foul mouthed metal detectorist to add his "warm wishes from England" or the grousy old ("Arthur Houghton asked me to post this") sock-puppet to add his own brand of supercilious nastiness. They will.

8) Sit back and wait for the cheque.

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